BabyNet

We had Grayson's BabyNet appointment yesterday and it went great besides the tantrum Grayson threw but even then I was glad he did so. We got answers and help and Josh (the guy who evaluated Grayson) was wonderful! Grayson has gone from maybe having a very mild case of autism to a medium case along with a Sensory Processing Disorder meaning his numbers have gone up in his evaluations and he's gotten worse. We were trying to explain to Josh how Grayson throws a tantrum for 30 minutes to an hour straight. Well Josh couldn't really HEAR what we were talking about...until he witnessed it first hand. Grayson wanted to shake Josh's file cabinet. Well of course that's a no-no and I had to sit in front of it. Grayson threw a 30 minute tantrum. We tried EVERYTHING to calm him down. We gave him toys, we talked to him sweetly, we tried to do something funny, we tried everything and Grayson wasn't having it. I even tried to give him candy andddd nothing! He was throwing himself back, hitting me and TC, screaming, crying, the whole shebang! All he wanted to do was shake the file cabinet. This will be the first time I EVER say this, but I'm glad he threw that tantrum so Josh could witness the severity of them that he does quite often. Josh said that wasn't normal. Usually when a toddler throws a tantrum, you can distract them enough to where they calm down and forget about the tantrum and give them things where they completely forget about the object they wanted that started a tantrum in the first place OR when you ignore them, they eventually stop where a tantrum doesn't last more than 10-15 minutes....not Grayson. He will literally throw a tantrum from 30 minutes to an hour with no chance of calming him down. He was tired of being in that cramped room and he quickly got tired of the many toys Josh had. I'm glad that we were done with the evaluation when Grayson pitched a fit. It was embarrassing, it was frustrating, everyone in that building heard him including my aunt who works there. But I'm glad he did it. I'm glad he showed them his true colors. Now he doesn't act like that all of the time. He's a fairly sweet child who listens and is a good boy...the majority of the time. He just has his moments. Grayson doesn't do very well with men either only because he's always been around women more than men.

Josh gave us a packet of facilities that can come to our house and help whenever Grayson gets diagnosed. Josh will be calling us Monday to set everything up for an autism screening and more testing. It's going to be a run around process and I hate it but as long as Grayson gets the help he needs and fast, I don't care how many people we have to see. I am going to see if Grayson's original developmental pediatrician can do the screening like she said she could instead of getting him a new developmental pediatrician and then another doctor involved so we're eliminating as many people that Grayson comes in contact with so he doesn't get confused.

This doesn't change my child. He's still the same sweet, loving, fun-filled child he was before. This doesn't upset me in the slightest. I'm worried, yes but not because I'm worried about how we are parents are going to handle it. I'm worried about the process. I'm worried about getting him the help fast. This isn't the end of the world. It's just going to involve some help. As much as I'm beating myself over the fact we should have changed things when he was younger when it came to teaching him things instead of being on our computers and phones as much....I know I'm a good mommy. I know this can be "fixed" and controlled where he probably won't have any problems once he's in school because we're catching it early where we can reverse it. And if it doesn't reverse itself, so be it. We'll handle that. This isn't a matter of being upset. This isn't a matter of beating ourselves up over this. Only Grayson matters and this isn't anything to be upset over.

I've tried so hard to teach him shapes, colors, numbers, letters....it's just harder for him than it was for me to learn. And that's what these facilities will help us with. They'll give us tools to teach him in a different way that we don't even know yet. Preschool will always be a life saver to him because they also teach differently. Josh and Dr. DiBattisto say that this evaulation and even a diagnosis of autism will have nothing to do with him and Preschool. He'll still be able to go just as if he was a "normal" child. So I'm relieved about that. This whole thing is a big deal but it's not at the same time. It's just going to take more time and patience and it's not the end of the world.

This week has been very stressful. Not because of Grayson's appointment although we were anxious about it. Certain things are happening and it's just been very stressful. The other night, I put Grayson in our bed and this has been a nightly routine for a few days now. I love our time together. A lot of people tell me that he needs to sleep in his own bed and in his own room because if I don't do it now, he'll forever be in our bed. Because of course he'll be sleeping in our bed as a teenager lol NO! Anyway, Grayson knew I was stressed. He just cuddled me. We kept whispering back and forth so we wouldn't wake TC. When Grayson thought he had woken TC up, he rolled over towards TC to check and then patted TC like he was telling him, "there, there!" Lol! He then grabbed my arm, whispered me a song, rubbed up and down my arm, and just stared at me until I fell asleep. He was singing me to sleep and as he's seen from daddy, he knows that rubbing my arm or my back or playing with my hair gets to go to sleep. He knew I needed that. As much as I felt guilty for that because I don't want him to sense that I'm stressed and try to fix me because that's not his job....I was proud of him at the same time. He shows more compassion than an adult could ever dream of. And a lot of that is innocence because he doesn't understand how much compassion is taken away from people when they've been taken advantage of or have had wrongdoing against them. He hasn't experienced that. I love his innocence. He loves to run around outside barefooted. And boy does he run with no fear that he may step on something that could hurt his foot. Me on the other hand? I walk outside barefoot like I would if I was walking on fire! Lol! I wish he could keep that innocence forever. I wish he could stay little forever. I know I can't, but I wish I could protect him from the hatred of this world. I know I can't do that but at least I can teach him to handle negative things in a positive way. I won't be one of those smothering mothers although I wish I could lol.

It's been a crazy week and we haven't done any color stuff and I haven't cooked any recipes. It's honestly been a spaghetti, tacos, hamburgers, frozen corndogs and frozen pizza kind of week! Haha! It's honestly been like that for the past 2 weeks since we were sick. But this coming week, it's on like Donkey Kong! Lol and I can't wait! :)